Why Do Narcissists Spend Money on Their Supply?

Being in a relationship with a narcissist can be a deeply complex and troubling experience. The dynamics between them often revolve around manipulation, control, and a calculated use of resources, including financial ones. From lavish gifts to seemingly generous offers, narcissists can spend money in ways that are perplexing and seemingly contradictory to their overall abusive behavior. This article will explore the psychology behind narcissists' financial actions and how these behaviors serve to keep their 'supply' engaged and dependent.

The Covert Narcissist in Action

Take, for instance, a covert narcissist with whom I once had a ten-year-long relationship. In the first year, my partner was seemingly charming, buying me a few necklaces and occasionally taking me to dinner at venues he knew would offer him discounts through his own business relationships. He also added me to his cell phone plan. At the time, I was a struggling single mother and had just bought a small house, so I was genuinely grateful for these gestures.

However, by the third year, he stopped purchasing birthday and Christmas gifts, removed me from his phone plan, and refused to spend any money on me or our relationship, citing that I was not giving him enough attention. This marked the beginning of a devaluing phase that lasted for seven years. During this period, the emotional and psychological manipulation escalated, making me question everything I thought I knew about love and relationships.

The Tactics of Love Bombing and Hoovering

It is no coincidence that narcissists employ tactics such as love bombing and hoovering. These methods are designed to keep their 'supply' hooked and confused, trapping them in a cycle of abuse that is difficult to escape. Love bombing involves showering a person with attention, affection, and gifts to create a false sense of security and dependency.

As the narcissist gradually disengages, he or she will re-engage through a technique called hoovering. This involves intermittent and unpredictable reconnection, which can make the victim feel loved again before being pushed away once more. The confusing cycle of highs and lows serves to further cement the victim's dependency and dissatisfaction with their life outside the relationship.

Manipulation through Financial Gifts

Narcissists often use financial gifts to build trust and create a sense of intimacy. However, these gifts are typically given to maintain the facade of the relationship rather than to meet the recipient's actual needs. In my case, my covert narcissist partner used my gratitude and the limited quality of the gifts to his advantage, demonstrating a strategic and calculated approach to maintaining control.

Behaviors such as paying for drug addicts and prostitutes are particularly revealing. These actions highlight the narcissist's manipulative nature and their willingness to use others for their own gain, often causing significant harm. For example, a dick autopilot described in another case found that a girlfriend had traces of drugs on her arms and had even been arrested. Such actions are not only exploitative but also dehumanizing.

The Myth of Genuine Connection

It is crucial to understand that narcissists do not form genuine connections out of a sense of compassion or love. Their manipulations are rooted in a desire for validation and control. In the initial stages of the relationship, the narcissist may indeed seem charming, attentive, and generous. However, as the relationship progresses, these traits become inconsistent and are often strategically deployed to maintain power over their victim.

Breaking the Cycle

Recognizing and understanding the manipulative tactics of narcissists is key to breaking the cycle of abuse. It is important to set clear boundaries and seek support from trusted friends, family, or professionals. Navigating these complex and often emotionally exhausting situations can be challenging, but it is vital for the well-being of both the individual and their loved ones.

By educating ourselves about the psychological dynamics involved, we can better protect ourselves and others. If you or someone you know is in a relationship with a narcissist, it is crucial to seek help and support from organizations dedicated to providing resources and guidance for those affected by manipulative relationships.