Understanding and Treating Borderline Personality Disorder: The Importance of Compassionate Attachments

Understanding and Treating Borderline Personality Disorder: The Importance of Compassionate Attachments

Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a complex and painful condition that affects millions of individuals worldwide. People with BPD often experience intense emotions, unstable relationships, and a fragmented sense of self. Despite the depth of their suffering, they deserve the same level of compassion, attentive listening, and support as any other client in therapy.

Addressing the Concerns of 'Overly Attached' Patients

Some therapists express concerns about patients becoming 'overly attached' during therapy. However, it is crucial to understand that 'overly attached' is a misused term, often stemming from a lack of clinical skill, education, and depth of understanding of the human personality and attachment dynamics.

Attachment in therapy can be healthy or unhealthy. Healthy attachments are formed with individuals who treat us with respect and consideration. Unhealthy attachments might be with individuals who treat us poorly or are inconsistent, unpredictable, or violent. People form these unhealthy attachments when they have never known any better or struggle to interpret social signals to determine who can be trusted.

Attachments can be classified into three categories: secure, insecure, and non-existent. Secure attachments mean a person is not preoccupied with the loss of their 'object of attachment.' Insecure attachments, whether consciously or unconsciously, focus on the potential loss of the attachment, coping with this by either avoidance or anxious preoccupation. Non-existent attachments suggest a person has never internalized a stable base for attachment patterns, leading to highly adhesive and degradable connections.

Addressing Excessively Intense Attachments

When a therapist encounters a patient with an intensely anxious, preoccupied attachment, this does not indicate a character flaw but rather a sign of an underlying insecure attachment. The intensity of the attachment suggests the patient has the capacity to form attachments and is capable of experiencing anxiety over losing attachment objects, which is a positive indicator.

Therapists who label their patients as 'overly attached' often lack the necessary clinical skill and depth of understanding to comprehend the underlying dynamics of attachment. Such labeling is not just an oversimplification but a misunderstanding of the patient's genuine experience and needs.

The Path to Healing Through Intense Attachments

The most effective therapy for BPD is not to distance the patient or 'cool' the attachment, but to understand and work through the intense emotional experience. By helping the patient to understand the reasons behind their intense attachments and providing a stable, consistent environment, therapists can facilitate healing and secure attachment patterns.

As patients develop a more secure and entitled perception of their attachment 'objects' through therapy, they begin to feel a sense of control over their surroundings. This can include knowing when therapy will end and having the knowledge that their experiences are in their control. As a result, they can gradually loosen their grip on their attachment objects and reduce their preoccupied anxious drive to constantly read people for signs of problems.

Conclusion

It is crucial for therapists treating individuals with BPD to approach the therapeutic relationship with empathy and understanding. No one, regardless of whether they have BPD or not, requires a 'cooler' approach. Therapists should work with what the patient brings to the relationship, recognizing that the patient's feelings within the therapeutic relationship serve as a 'window' into their internal world.

People with BPD are unique and as diverse as those without BPD. Each therapy should be tailored to meet the specific needs of the individual, fostering a secure and stable attachment that can lead to a more organized and centered life. In recognizing the importance of compassionate attachments, therapists can help their clients move towards healing and a more fulfilling life.