Facing Domestic Abuse: What You Should Do When Your Father Hurts Your Mother

The experience of witnessing domestic abuse, particularly when the abuser is a parent, is deeply troubling and often leaves lasting emotional scars. But understanding what steps to take can be crucial in ensuring your safety and your mother's well-being. This article outlines a practical guide for dealing with such situations and the actions you can take to protect yourself and your family.

Understanding the Types of Abuse

Domestic abuse doesn't only manifest physically. It can include emotional, verbal, and psychological forms as well. Recognizing these different types is key to knowing how to respond effectively. Here’s what each looks like: Physical Abuse: This includes any form of physical violence, from slaps to more severe incidents. Emotional and Psychological Abuse: This involves psychological manipulation, constant criticism, and threats to control the victim's emotions. Verbal Abuse: Involves frequent name-calling, put-downs, and yelling to make the victim feel unworthy and vulnerable.

Immediate Actions to Take

If you find yourself in a situation where your father is abusive, the first thing you should do is ensure your immediate safety and your mother’s. Here are some urgent steps to consider: Call Law Enforcement: If the situation is dangerous, you should call the police immediately. Have evidence ready, such as videos, photographs, or text messages. Secure Legal Counsel: If money is an issue, reach out to a legal bar association for pro bono assistance. An attorney can help issue a restraining order. Move to Safety: Plan to stay with a trusted family member or in a safe location, such as a friend's house, until the situation stabilizes.

Leveraging Support Systems and Resources

To build a stronger support network and ensure your safety, consider these additional actions: Tell a Trusted Guardian: Inform another adult who can support you and help keep an eye on the situation from a safe distance. Seek Family Court Assistance: You can file for an eviction order to expel the abuser from the house. Court orders can also provide restraining orders and legal protection. Change Phone Numbers: Changing your phone number can be an effective strategy to reduce harassment and stay anonymous if necessary. Made a Safety Plan: Plan a safe route to leave the home in an emergency, and have a packed bag ready with essentials.

Examples and Reflections

The experiences of others can provide valuable insights. Consider the narrative of someone who lived through similar circumstances:

At 4 years old, I witnessed abuse for nearly four years. My father's behavior evolved from verbal to physical abuse. I learned passively to react against him in a way that he found frustrating, yet without escalating to physical violence. His actions towards my mother were violent, but he verbally abused me to control me. This makes me reflect on the deep-seated resentment and the impacts of childhood trauma on adult behavior.

Witnessing an abusive parent can be emotionally and psychologically damaging. If you find yourself in a similar situation, it is important to lean on trusted family members, legal resources, and support networks to ensure your safety and well-being.